i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
