he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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