i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
