You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
