3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
