I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
