Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it because I queefed?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
