Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
