I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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