I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
