Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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