she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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