so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
