peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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