Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
