No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
