I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
