You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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