So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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