I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
