I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
