i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
