Why does Corona taste like a burp?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
