So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
