Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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