never play flip cup with pint glasses
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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