And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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