I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my shit smells like andre
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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