Do you still have your period?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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