I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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