Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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