The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
