Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
