the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
