He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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