I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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