You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
