i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he shaved USA in his pubs
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
