dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
