I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
