how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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