She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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