just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
