Ambien. No doubt about it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
