Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
