so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
