So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just cropdusted the office
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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