the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
