apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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