Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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