so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
