Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
