Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
