I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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