quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
