hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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