I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
