I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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