I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
