i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
