Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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