So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
