sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize