god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
