How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
