My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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