Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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