He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
