My sheets look like a crime scene.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize