Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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