So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
