smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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