So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize