I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
